Life goes on

So, it's been a while since I've posted.  I tend to post from work and I haven't been at work all week so I've been neglecting it in favor of Netflix.

Monday I got a call from my doctor about last Friday's ultrasound.  She told me I had 3 choices: one was wait it out and my body would eventually miscarry on its own...hopefully, the second one was take misoprostol (cytotec) vaginally which would induce a miscarriage by making my uterus contract, or go for a D&C surgery.  I picked the second option as I "miscarried" at 6 weeks, but here I am at 13 weeks and I have yet to bleed or anything.  I've learned that the term for this is a missed miscarriage (medical community tends to call it a missed abortion, but I think that that is not reflective of my situation).  I decided not to go with a D&C unless it is absolutely necessary as that is a surgery and carries the same risks that all surgeries do.

Dre and I went to visit the doctor on Monday so that she could give me the prescription and explain all that stuff to me.  That went fairly well with a lot of reassurance to me that it was not my fault, I could get pregnant again, and shouldn't have any problems carrying to term next time.  While I appreciate this type of reassurance, telling me once was nice, but telling me over and over again in the last 2 weeks is really annoying.  Also, I'm really not the type to believe that I somehow did something when I was only 6 weeks pregnant that harmed my baby.  At that stage of growth, babies stop developing because of serious chromosomal defects.  So we picked up my prescription and went to The Works to get burgers since I didn't feel like cooking.

We decided to wait until the next morning before I took the pills as I heard stories from other people about staying up all night when the pills took effect. 

Rabbit Trail***
In the meantime over the last week and half since it was confirmed that I was miscarrying I've gotten several queries as to whether or not I was sure the baby wasn't growing anymore.  Not helpful in the least I must say, but people were trying to be helpful so I'm cutting them a break.  Let me say that I have 2 blood tests showing dropping levels of beta-HCG hormones and 2 ultrasounds showing no growth and no heartbeat.  Either of these things are enough to confirm a miscarriage and they were enough for me.  As I don't believe in abortion, I did not make this decision lightly.
Back to our Regular Programming***

Took the pills at 8:30am on Tuesday morning.  Boy, it was really fun to push those up!  I had mild cramps and not much was going on for 4 hours.  After that, I started getting crazy, runny diarrhea.  I still had almost no cramps and didn't really feel anything going on in my uterus, but I was starting to get severe back cramps.  An hour later...still no bleeding, I had Dre call the pharmacist to ask if I could take Immodium because I couldn't take the diarrhea and the back cramps that were accompanying it.  The pharmacist tells Dre that this is normal and it will soon stop. 

Now some would wonder why in God's name they didn't put any of this information on their helpful drug packets, but you see the drug is an ulcer drug and the little info packets that the pharmacists print out don't take into account secondary uses and the fact that the doctor prescribing them to me vaginally means they're for a missed miscarriage.

As I start shaking uncontrollably and I'm almost in tears because the damn back pain is gonna kill me, I go to the bathroom and start passing massive amounts of blood and "stuff".  Nope, I have no idea what it looked like because there was so much blood.  BTW, the doctor told me to take Advil for pain management!  They obviously like lying through their teeth about how painful it is to start a miscarriage.  The most severe pain went away quickly after this, but I'm still bleeding now 3 days later.  Now, it looks more like a normal period except with much redder blood and more blood clots, but the cramping is almost all gone.  Something, they don't tell you is how red the blood will be.  It's shocking actually!  Also, that the blood in the toilet can look like Kool Aid because there's so much of it.  TMI yet?  Well too bad, I had to live through this...it was much worse on my end.

One thing I learned.  When the doctor says you'll experience some cramping, they mean you'll go into labor for about 1 hour.  Before this, I was toying with the idea of natural childbirth and all that.  Now, I will demand an epidural as soon as I arrive at the hospital and will take a c-section if it's offered.  That was the worse pain I've ever had, and I have proof that when I go into labor I'll have the dreaded back labor.

I had one last blood draw this morning to monitor my beta-HCG levels--they're supposed to drop dramatically when you miscarry.  On Monday, I have another ultrasound to make sure everything is gone and then we meet with my doctor for one last follow-up.  Fingers crossed that everything is good and I can start TTC (trying to conceive) after AF decides to show up in 4-6 weeks. 

So on we go.  I did buy 3 bottles of wine yesterday and I fully intend to drink them in the near future.  I'm making up for 2 months of no drinking and the 9 months of no drinking that will hopefully be coming soon.