Update to an update?

So the results are in and...MISCARRIAGE.  Looks nice all spelled out like that doesn't it? 

Yah, well it sucks ass!

My doctor finally called my at 9 PM last night to give me the results of my second blood draw from Tuesday.  My HCG levels are going down.  Bad, very bad!  They went from 18,000 to 13,000.  She was very nice about the whole thing, but she still wanted me to go do the ultrasound.  To me, this was depressing news...I kinda knew this was coming--I've kind of known since we couldn't hear the heartbeat on Wednesday.  It's like having a bad news monster stalking you all day long...fun. 

I thought to myself, I'll just do the ultrasound and then that's gonna be done and we can make a plan and get on with it.  So today, hubby leaves work again and comes with me to the ultrasound at 11.  We get there and the clinic doesn't have us on their list today...OOOOOOKKKKKAAAYYYYY...turns out my doctor's office managed to book me at the alternate location for this clinic, but told me to go to this one when they called me.  The girls there were very nice and squeezed me in. 

My ultrasound was actually done by the doctor at the clinic and not one of the techs which was nice because she explained to me everything that was going on as she was seeing it.  Very useful.  She even gave me a copy of the report so I could have it with me in case I bled enough that I had to go the ER for it.  So the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks 1 day.  The sac and placenta are all still there so my body hasn't gotten with the program yet.  This means that my pregnancy ended at 6 FUCKING weeks and my body hasn't seen fit to get rid of it in the last 7 weeks.  This would have been much easier to deal with and less people would have been told if that had happened 2 months ago like it was supposed to.  Hell, I could even have tried to get pregnant again at least once since then.  So, yes, I'm annoyed...really, really annoyed!

Oh and people need to stop being all nice to me and telling me how sorry they are because that shit is just making me cry and I'm tired of crying.  I don't do crying.  Ask people who know me...I don't cry.  Not my style, but the damn hormones that are still floating around and having a field day in my body make me cry all the time.

So,  Dre's really bummed and sad about this, but I think we'll be fine and as soon as we can close a chapter on this pregnancy we'll start trying for a take-home baby. 

A note on miscarriage.  It happens.  I don't think I'm the type to not talk about it because not talking about being pregnant for 3 months almost killed me so I'll probably mention that it happened if it ever comes up.  The reason for this is that miscarriage is way too much of a taboo subject in our society.  20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriages.  That is millions of women that miscarry every year and don't talk about it and suffer in silence and alone because the world is uncomfortable dealing with the idea of pregnancy not being all rainbow farting unicorns. 

So have a nice weekend and join me in drinking (unless you're pregnant..duh! and damn right I'm drinking...no reason not to anymore) to the billions of strong women out there who carry the future generations and who occasionally lose their babies before they get to meet them.