One crazy day at a life!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Update to an update?

So the results are in and...MISCARRIAGE.  Looks nice all spelled out like that doesn't it? 

Yah, well it sucks ass!

My doctor finally called my at 9 PM last night to give me the results of my second blood draw from Tuesday.  My HCG levels are going down.  Bad, very bad!  They went from 18,000 to 13,000.  She was very nice about the whole thing, but she still wanted me to go do the ultrasound.  To me, this was depressing news...I kinda knew this was coming--I've kind of known since we couldn't hear the heartbeat on Wednesday.  It's like having a bad news monster stalking you all day 

I thought to myself, I'll just do the ultrasound and then that's gonna be done and we can make a plan and get on with it.  So today, hubby leaves work again and comes with me to the ultrasound at 11.  We get there and the clinic doesn't have us on their list today...OOOOOOKKKKKAAAYYYYY...turns out my doctor's office managed to book me at the alternate location for this clinic, but told me to go to this one when they called me.  The girls there were very nice and squeezed me in. 

My ultrasound was actually done by the doctor at the clinic and not one of the techs which was nice because she explained to me everything that was going on as she was seeing it.  Very useful.  She even gave me a copy of the report so I could have it with me in case I bled enough that I had to go the ER for it.  So the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks 1 day.  The sac and placenta are all still there so my body hasn't gotten with the program yet.  This means that my pregnancy ended at 6 FUCKING weeks and my body hasn't seen fit to get rid of it in the last 7 weeks.  This would have been much easier to deal with and less people would have been told if that had happened 2 months ago like it was supposed to.  Hell, I could even have tried to get pregnant again at least once since then.  So, yes, I'm annoyed...really, really annoyed!

Oh and people need to stop being all nice to me and telling me how sorry they are because that shit is just making me cry and I'm tired of crying.  I don't do crying.  Ask people who know me...I don't cry.  Not my style, but the damn hormones that are still floating around and having a field day in my body make me cry all the time.

So,  Dre's really bummed and sad about this, but I think we'll be fine and as soon as we can close a chapter on this pregnancy we'll start trying for a take-home baby. 

A note on miscarriage.  It happens.  I don't think I'm the type to not talk about it because not talking about being pregnant for 3 months almost killed me so I'll probably mention that it happened if it ever comes up.  The reason for this is that miscarriage is way too much of a taboo subject in our society.  20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriages.  That is millions of women that miscarry every year and don't talk about it and suffer in silence and alone because the world is uncomfortable dealing with the idea of pregnancy not being all rainbow farting unicorns. 

So have a nice weekend and join me in drinking (unless you're pregnant..duh! and damn right I'm reason not to anymore) to the billions of strong women out there who carry the future generations and who occasionally lose their babies before they get to meet them.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Update: It's a Mystery!

So Dre and I are nowhere closer to having an answer on whether or not I'm having a miscarriages or my baby is playing hide and seek.

We met with our doctor yesterday who let us know that my second blood draw hadn't been tested by the lab yet.  It's been 24 hours people--get your ducks in a row!  So we discussed the possibilities and reviewed my results from Friday's blood draw.  Results were encouraging as they showed me having HCG levels of 18000 and change.  These are not as high as they should be if I'm 12 weeks, but they're pretty high nonetheless. 

This was somewhat encouraging to Andre and I, but we really need the second results to have definite answer on what is happening in my uterus.  The doctor was supposed to call the lab yesterday at 4 (the lab requested they do this) for the results and then call me with them.  Well, we didn't get a call which means that she couldn't get my results because they weren't ready.  Argh!  More waiting...I think God is trying to teach me to be patient.  So fast forward to now--today, 2PM--we still haven't heard from the doctor and now we're wondering if the lab is really inept that they can't do a single HGG count in the last 48 hours that they've had my blood or did my doctor "forget" to call me with the results or forget to even call for the results.  It's a mystery and it's driving me BSC right now.  Also,  the doctor wanted me to have another ultrasound if my levels were rising so she had her staff schedule one for me right away...tomorrow at 11:20!  It would be kinda helpful if I knew something by then don't you think? 

Good thing we're going out with the in-laws tonight for dinner.  I need distractions from this soap opera life I'm leading!  I think I might brave my utter hatred of telephones and actually call my doctor for the 15th time this week and ask them where my @#!%#$ results are.  I "might" be nicer in the way I phrase it so that they're actually inclined to do what I'm asking.

So...I"ll update...soon...I hope!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

A Post


The ultrasound on Friday turned out to be exactly what I thought.  Bad!  I love it when I'm right.

After in external and internal (vaginal) ultrasound, the tech had us wait around for an hour for their doctor to "Review" the results.  Then she told us to go home and call the doctor--that just sounds good doesn't it!  Since we could see the ultrasound and I'm pretty familiar with what we should have been seeing I knew that it was not good as soon as it started.  After a call to the doctor, we were told that the doctor would call us back once she received the report.

She called us a couple of hours later and told me exactly what I suspected.  The ultrasound did not show a baby or a heartbeat.  Apparently that could mean 2 things.  It could mean I miscarried at 5ish weeks and my body forgot to get the memo or it could mean that I don't know how to count and I'm really not that far along.  Considering that I know when I ovulated (December 15) and that I got 2 positive HPT on December 31st and January 1st that seems pretty unlikely.

So she sent me for beta testing where they check the HCG levels in my blood on 2 different days to see how they are.  We were supposed to meet with the doctor tonight to get a definite answer, but because of stupid Family Day (Ontario holiday) every damn lab in Ottawa was closed.  So, I had to go do my second blood draw this morning.  We're seeing the doc tomorrow at 1PM and hopefully we'll have news one way or another.

I'm trying to be positive because stranger things have happened to a lot of people and I believe that miracles can happen, but that is a very, very hard thing to do when you are not one of those happy, happy, everything is always good type of person.

Anyways, I will update tomorrow with what the doctor tells us and what our options are after that. 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Freaking Day!

***Warning:  There will be swearing…don’t say you haven’t been warned***

I’m really, really, really angry.  Really fucking angry!  As easy as it is to annoy me, it’s not actually easy to make me truly angry, but my doctor’s office managed that feat today!

So yesterday, I had my 2nd doctor’s appointment and I was so excited.  Since I haven’t had an early ultrasound, I’m counting on hearing the heartbeat at my appointment to confirm that everything is all right with my little bean.  

So the doctor tries to find the heartbeat with Doppler, but she’s having a really hard time.  So finally, she tells me that I probably have an inverted uterus and that’s why it’s hard to hear and that I am really early still (11 weeks 3 days) which in my opinion I was not that early according to everything I read online.  So she gets another doctor in the room to operate the Doppler while she pushes up on my uterus.  OMG!  That is the worse pain I have ever felt in my entire life.  And we couldn’t hear the heartbeat.  So she tells me that she’ll request an ultrasound for me, and while we’re at it, she’ll also request my 18-20 week ultrasound.

So off we go thinking everything is all good and I try to distract myself from the possibility of my having had a miscarriage and just not knowing it.  Dre is trying to cheer me up and tell me everything is all right and pissing me off mostly.  I called my mom and told her what was happening and she told me that she also had an inverted uterus, but that was never really a problem for her.  

Then I go to my Chiropractor appointment, BIG mistake!  I’ve been texting what’s happening to my SIL and BFF all the while and they’re being very, very nice so I start crying in the waiting room.  Managed to get myself under control, but after my adjustment the chiropractor asks me what’s wrong.  I ended up telling him the whole story and sobbing like a lunatic in his exam room. Yeah for pregnancy hormones! 

I went home and apparently my SIL had been putting Dre straight and informing him that acting like a man is not helpful in any way.  So he was all sweet and concerned and that made me cry more!  I cried a lot ‘kay!

Forward to today, Dre and I are waiting for a phone call from the ultrasound clinic to book my ultrasound.  At noon, Dre calls the clinic because we haven’t heard from anyone yet and he finds out that the clinic hasn’t gotten a request for an ultrasound for me yet.  He calls the doctor’s office just to find out that there is no damn note in my file even asking the receptionist to book me an ultrasound!  By this time, I’m already livid and beyond stressed!  So Dre gets the receptionist to talk to the doctor so she can put the request through and tell us what kind of ultrasound she wanted us to get so we can just book it on our own.  

We wait for a few hours and just as I’m about to call them back, the receptionist calls me to tell me she booked it!  So, I’m thinking, “What a relief!”  No!  It’s booked for fucking April 4th when I’ll be exactly 18 weeks.  WTF!!!!!!!  I tell her that I did need that ultrasound booked, but that the doctor was also sending me for an immediate ultrasound.  She reads me to note from the doctor and amazingly there is NO mention of an ultrasound right away so I don’t lose my fucking marbles by having to wait another 6 weeks to hear the heartbeat.  After some discussion—which happened at my desk BTW with people who have no idea I’m pregnant within hearing distance—we decide that she’ll ask the doctor about the other ultrasound right away.

By this time, steam is coming out of my ears and I just want to march down to my doctor’s office and tell them what I think in very loud, colourful language.
***End of break***

Finally, she called me back to tell me that I had an ultrasound booked for next Wednesday.  Hallelujah!  I called Dre and told him the good news and he being the sweet man that he is called the ultrasound clinic and got my appointment moved to tomorrow at 11:00am!  Huge relief!

Now I just have to figure out how to drink 32oz of water in 10 minutes one hour before my appointment.  Probably impossible to do so I’m testing it right now and it’s been 37 minutes and I have to go pee a lot already.  So I’m thinking I’ll drink their 32oz of water 30 minutes before my appointment ‘cause I don’t think they’ll take me the second I walk through the door.  

Anyways, I can say that I don’t think I’ve ever been as stressed as I’ve been in the last 24 hours.  I’ll post the results of the ultrasound tomorrow and I’m sure we will be able to start telling everyone we know that I’m pregnant.  Finally!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Off to the Doctor I go...

I'm off to my second doctor appointment.  Wooohooo!  Oh wait, darn doctor actually wants to give me a pap because it's been a whole 10 months since she did the last one that was completely normal.  Booh!

However, we get to hear the kiddo's heartbeat (HB) for the first time ever since I've managed to restrain myself from buying a doppler.  I'm 11 weeks 3 days today and over the last few weeks I've gotten really stressed about not having any confirmation that the baby is doing all right in there.  That's what I get for saying no the prenatal testing I guess. 

No worries, I will report back and then I will call everyone on the planet and inform them that I AM PREGNANT!  Oh wait, I hate telephones (story for another day)...I'll call my Mom and Mother-in-Law and get them to call the world for me!  That is the plan...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Damn it's cold!

Oh, right!  You guys don't live in Siberia with me.

Yesterday it was -2C and today it's f****** -27C!  Tomorrow, it's supposed to be +2C!  Really, the weather just has to shape up!  Decide if you want to be cold or warm--warm is the preferable option by the way!

This weather is making me really grateful that I will not be 8 months pregnant and trying to stuff my fat ass in a coat that used to fit me a million years ago.  Anyways, enough ranting about the weather.  Let's talk about something interesting.

Yesterday, it was Valentine's Day.  Usually on Valentine's Day, people do all kinds of romantic things and go googly eyes on each other.  This year for Valentine's Day, I managed to make dinner for Dre even though the thought of food was making me seriously question my decision to cook it.  So dinner came together and it even tasted halfway good.  Yeah!  Win! 

Then, I ran off to a traction class my chiropractor had scheduled for me (apparently their wives aren't getting romantic dinners).  When I got back home, I spent the rest of the evening on the couch.  So I have concluded that being pregnant has made me very unromantic.  We'll have to try again this weekend for the big 2 year wedding anniversary:-)

I have to add though that Dre did come home with Reese's Peanut Butter cups yesterday because I had been cursing at the TV commercials for days about them taunting me.  Isn't it sweet?  The man listens to what I ramble about sometimes:-) 

Alright, I'm off to my 2nd pre-natal class now where I'm sure more "entertaining" comments will be made.  Priceless ones from last week...

Instructor: You shouldn't wash your boobs with soap so you don't have problems breastfeeding.
Hehe!  Priceless!

Instructor: Introduce yourself, give us your due date, and tell us a quality you'd like your baby to get from your partner.
Boy: Hi I'm X.  Y and I have been going out for almost a year and now we're knocked up.  Hmmmmm, I guess I want the baby to be pretty like Y.
Too many things with this one. 

More funny comments to come...

Monday, February 14, 2011

11 Weeks

11 Weeks

10 Weeks

Time is flying a crawling speed!  On one hand I can't believe I'm at 11 weeks already and on the other hand I can't believe I have 29 more weeks to go!

How far along? 11 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Up .8 lbs.  Probably because Dre and I spent the last week running around and eating crap.
Maternity clothes? I caved and visited Thyme Maternity.  Then I bought $300 worth of stuff.  I’m thinking of returning some of the stuff that I can find online for cheaper at places like Old Navy Maternity or Gap Matenity.  The only problem with that is that I live in Canada and their Canadian website don’t have maternity clothes.   I will make it work though!
Stretch marks? None
Sleep: Wake up once a night to go pee and after that I have a hard time going back to sleep completely.
Best moment this week: Going to look at Baby Boutiques in town with friends and finally having friends over that we’ve been meaning to invite for months!
Movement: None.  Soon, I hope!
Food cravings: I have been very undecisive this week as to what I actually want to eat.  I can name a hundred things I don’t want to eat, but can’t come up with 1 thing I do want to eat.  
Gender: Still think it’s gonna be a girl.
Labor Signs: None.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: My energy. 
What I am looking forward to: Hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time in 48 hrs and telling family and friends the news in 1 week!
Weekly Wisdom: Maternity clothes are so so so so so so so much more comfortable than trying to squeeze your bloat in skinny jeans.
Milestones: Baby is the size of a lemon (or a big lime)!  Grow baby grow!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Weird Stuff

Can I tell you that pregnancy makes you experience all types of weird and interesting new things?  No?  Well, I'll tell you anyways!

Take for example, the fact that no matter how much I eat I still want to eat a lot more.  Since I don't want to weigh more than 200 lbs and look like a blimp by the time Smurfy makes an appearance, I restrain myself from eating everything that is in our house.  Yes, I even share stuff like cake with Dre! 

Yesterday, I described the experience this way to Dre after he asked me if I was full and if I was gonna stop eating the chicken at some point.  First of all, he's lucky I'm eating chicken since this baby seems to LURVE beef. 

Me: "I could eat the rest of the bag of cabbage (in the form of coleslaw of course which was about 5 cups), another 2 medium potatoes with butter, and finish this whole chicken (we had eaten about 1/4 by then)." 
Dre: "Hehe!"
Me: "You think I'm joking...I'm totally not!"
Dre:  "Awwwww, you're so cute!"  See that's why he's mine and you can't have him 'cause he makes such sweet, sweet comments when I'm telling him about wanting to eat everything in the house!

This baby loves, loves, loves dessert too!  I think I might look like a blimp in 30 weeks so matter what I do!  Oh, well since I can't diet now I'll just worry about it after I push the little bowling ball:-)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Today is the Day!

Dre and I are going to our first pre-natal class tonight!  Yeah!  I'm so excited! 

It just makes being pregnant feel more real and since we're still not telling 90% of the people we know for another 2 weeks I am super excited to do something that is all about pregnancy!  Run-on sentence anyone?  Oh well, University English was a long time ago:-)

Dre and I have gotten a lot of comments both online and IRL (in real life) that pre-natal classes are useless and you really don't need them...blah, blah, blah, blah.  I think that, yes, I probably know most the stuff they're going to talk about because I am addicted to researching every tiny thing on the Interwebz, but it never hurts to be reminded of something.  Also, I think that being as prepared as possible never hurt anyone.

I have heard the comment, "Women have been doing this thousands of years so I'm just going to go with the flow and assume that my body will know what to do." a hundred times already.  Honestly, my body most likely knows what to do, but I'm not sure my brain got the memo and Dre's brain probably lost the memo somewhere.  Also, in the past, women would give birth with other, older women around who would counsel and support them on what to do.  A lot of us don't have that support network anymore because so much emphasis in the world today is to push out that kid and go back to work!  I am no particularly close with my mother--yes, I love her, but she won't be in the delivery room with me--and most of my friends do not have children. 

All in all, I think that pre-natal classes will help us start dealing with the idea of having a small baby that cries and wakes you up at night and drives you crazy at times.  Although if you're listening to Dre, women have been doing this for thousands of years and it's the most beautiful thing in the world and a miracle of life.  Can you tell that I'm the cynical, sarcastic one?  Somehow, I don't equate pushing out an 8 pound bowling ball out of my whoha a magical experience.  I keep being told I'll change my mind once I have the baby and look at him or her, but somehow knowing myself I think I'm right on the money and won't ever think it's magical!

Alright, I'm done with my rabbit trails and tangents. 

Monday, February 7, 2011

10 Weeks

9 Weeks

10 Weeks

How far along? 10 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Down .6 lbs still and I eat like I’m 5.  Sloppy joes with queso dip anyone?
Maternity clothes? Nope.  I just like walking around with my pants undone.  Good thing long shirts and leggings are in fashion now.  Although I wore a sweater with leggings last week and it made me look more pregnant than ever, I can’t believe no one at work has clued in yet.
Stretch marks? None!  I asked my mom if she got any and she said she got tons with my brothers (they were big babies, 10lbs 3oz) and since these appear to be genetic I might be doomed!
Sleep: I was awake till 3am last night.  That gave me a total of 3 hours of sleep before I had to come to work.  Usually, I’m fine though.
Best moment this week: Going to buy a huge chocolate cake with chocolate fudge icing on Friday with Dre because I didn’t want to make one and really, really NEEDED chocolate cake.  Dre never argues with these kinds of cravings.  Funny, eh?
Movement: None.
Food cravings: Chocolate cake!  Lasagna…this has struck in the last 15 minutes.
Gender: I’m wishing for a girl and my BFF totally agrees that it’s a girl.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Having no pain!  I have a crazy backache all the time.  Sleeping through the night without having to go pee.
What I am looking forward to:  We start pre-natal classes tomorrow!  Yeah!  I know it’s early, but this will just be the 1st series of 3 classes and then we’ll have some more classes when I’m around 30-35 weeks.
Weekly Wisdom: Let your husband cook and clean everything even if you feel like a lazy, lazy person.  Your body will thank you.
Milestones: Baby is now the size of a prune or a lime depending on what you’re reading.  I prefer limes as they’re way cuter than prunes so I’m going with that.  

Friday, February 4, 2011


It's a gorgeous day outside today!

After all the snow and cold weather we've had lately, this kind of weather is a welcome change.  It's sunny and warm (as in -5 C) which is rare in Canada.  Usually it's sunny and bitterly cold (as in -40 I'm not making that up).

So, I told Dre that we had to do something this week because staying inside cooped up is driving me insane!  Usually, we would go skiing on such a perfect weekend.  Skiing when it's not too cold is perfect!  However, since finding out that Smurfy--or my little olive as Dre calls the baby--was on the way, I am no longer able to ski this year and since the baby is going to be born in September I'm not sure I'll get to ski next year too.

Yes, some people just keep on skiing as long as they take care not to do anything too dangerous, but the problem is that I'm now at a skiing level that just doesn't lend itself well to the avoiding sudden twists and changes of directions.   Also, you can't control other skiers or snowboarders who might lose control or smash into you.  It's happened to me before!  So no skiing for me!

So we decided to join some friends for the winter activities our city is having.  I was all about skating, but Dre has developed a sudden phobia about me skating and falling over.  I'm sure he's forgotten that I'm an excellent skater and that I haven't taken a fall while doing leisurely skating in over 4-5 years--usually when I fall I'm trying something insane like a jump or a twirl...I'm not good at any of that stuff--so no skating tomorrow.  We are, however, most likely going to take in the snow sculptures and go walk--not skate--on the canal and eat BEAVER TAILS!

I know, I know, we crazy Canadians actually cook and eat beaver tails and we like it!  Actually, they're a pastry that's deep fried then dipped into yummy stuff like cinnamon sugar, nutella, or powdered sugar.  Very, very, very yummy!


I can't wait for tomorrow!  So my challenge to you my reader...wait does anyone read, who challenge is to go outside and do some fun winter stuff tomorrow.  You'll just love winter that much more after:-)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


So it's snowing here today.  I know Southern Ontario and most of the US are being hit with a much bigger snowstorm, but we're having one here.  Since I live in Canada, you would assume that snow is no big deal right! 

Well, they predicted 15-20 cm (6-8 inches) and I was like...that's all!  We've barely had any snow this winter!  It keeps snowing everywhere else except for here!  Hahahaha!  I shouldn't have these conversations with myself apparently 'cause someone heard me!

This is what it looks like outside my office window!

The snow is blowing sideways and it's creating whiteout conditions!  It gives a whole new meaning to 6 inches of snow I tell ya!  I take the bus to come to work which is a good thing on days like today.  When everyone else is stuck in traffic for 2+ hours, I'm at the office all toasty and warm.  However, walking to the damn bus stop with snow blowing up your nose and in your eyes so that you have to walk hunched over with shuffled feet so you don't wipe out on the ice hidden under the new snow is definitely an experience, a very unique not the be repeated ever experience! 

I still love the white stuff though!  Ever since, I lived in Florida for 5 years I have appreciated winter a lot more--nothing like hurricanes and torrential downpours to make you appreciate light, fluffy, pretty snow.

So, now I'm off to battle the crazy snow so that I can get home and hide under my blankets with my comfy yoga pants and vow that I'm never, ever leaving the house again because I love being warm too much...

Until tomorrow comes and then I'm gonna do it again...minus the snow though

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I'm too lazy to think of a cool title. Sooooooo...

Hello Blog.

I guess I don't really know what to talk about today.  I'll think of something... Let's talk about yesterday.

Yesterday, I went to my annual chiropractic appointment.  Yes, I see a chiropractor regularly; with his help I have almost no migraines anymore!  Since we weren't able to take the yearly x-rays in January because of my being knocked up, he didn't have to most accurate info on how I'm doing.  He did show me my old x-rays from a year ago and it shocked me again how bad my spine is.  I had completely forgotten that I have a huge s in my spine.  He also told me that my pelvic bones weren't facing each other like most normal people, but were slightly rotated.  Awesome!  I wonder if that will create problems when it's time to push out my little bundle of joy? 

Anyways, Chiropractor wants me to start doing some different types of traction and since I've had really bad back aches since getting pregnant I decided to try one of them out right away--yeah, I should have waited for the class to show me how to do it or not done it on my hard wooden floor!  I had to get Dre to come pull me up 'cause I couldn't get up on my own.  Nice, eh?

Then, I had my dentist checkup in the afternoon.  My dental hygienist is a friend of the family and has known me for a while.  I told her I was pregnant and she tells me that she totally knew it 'cause I look pregnant!  Apparently, I look "poofy"!  Blah!  It's too early to start look "poofy"!

The good thing is that she has 13 month old twins and was practically dancing with glee over the fact that she could give me the entire content of her basement (baby stuff).  I was dancing with glee over the fact that she has really good infant carriers which will still be good when Smurfy is born along with the bases and all the "toys" I didn't really wanna spend money on like the Exersaucers.  She has three!  I have to say that that was my most productive dental appointment ever:-) 

The dentist did ask me how getting my wisdom teeth taken out in September went.  I told him it was the worst experience of my life.  Honestly, I've heard all the good stories out there about how people started eating normal food the day after or even the same day and they had no pain...  How nice for you!  Mine was horrible!  I got a dry socket because the Oxycodone made me throw up and the pressure from throwing up dislodged the blood cloth in my incision.  I was in pain and on meds for 3 weeks. 

Only good thing about the experience is that I got put under for the surgery and I have no bad reactions to general anesthesia.  Hurray!  I've always been very paranoid that if I had to get surgery for any reason I would be one of those people who stay awake under anaesthesia or something horrible like that.  I have an overactive imagination when it comes to things like this!

Anyways, that was my day yesterday!  Also, we had sloppy joes for dinner along with tortilla chips and queso dip...I eat like a 5 year old!  Tonight, we're having a salad 'cause I think I really, really need more veggies in my diet.